Talking About Stuff, with Mike and Christiana

> HERE ARE THE TOP TEN FINALISTS:
>
> 1. "As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to
> access the building using individual security cards.
> Pictures will be
> taken next Wednesday and employees will receive
> their cards in two weeks."
> (This was the winning quote from Fred Dales,
> Microsoft Corp.)
>
> 2. "What I need is an exact list of specific unknown
> problems we might encounter." (Lykes Lines Shipping)
>
> 3. "E-mail is not to be used to pass on information
> or data. It should be used only for company
> business." (Accounting manager,
> Electric Boat Company)
> 4. "This project is so important, we can't let
> things
> that are more important interfere with it."
> (Advertising/Marketing
> manager, United Parcel Service)
>
> 5. "Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the
> schedule." (Plant manager, Delco Corporation)
>
> 6. "No one will believe you solved this problem in
> one day! We've been working on it for months. Now,
> go act busy for a few
> weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell
> them." (R&D supervisor,
> Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M)
>
> 7. Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people
> doing what I say." (Marketing executive, Citrix
> Corporation)
>
> 8. My sister passed away and her funeral was
> scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said
> she died on purpose so that I
> would have to miss work on the busiest day of the
> year. He then asked if we
> could change her burial to Friday. He said, "That
> would be better for me."
> (Shipping executive, FTD Florists)
>
> 9. "We know that communication is a problem, but the
> company is not going to discuss it with the
> employees." (Switching
> supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)
>
> 10. One day my Boss asked me to submit a status
> report to him concerning a project I was working on.
> I asked him if tomorrow
> would be soon enough. He said, "If I wanted it
> tomorrow, I would have waited
> until tomorrow to ask for it!" (Hallmark Cards
> executive)

THOUGHTS FOR THOSE WHO TAKE LIFE TOO SERIOUSLY
>
> 1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
>
> 2. A day without sunshine is like, night.
>
> 3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
>
> 4. I just got lost in thought. It wasn't familiar
> territory.
>
> 5. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the
> spot.
>
> 6. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
>
> 7. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel
> universe.
>
> 8. Honk if you love peace and quiet.
>
> 9. Remember, half the people you know are below
> average.
>
> 10. He who laughs last, didn't get the joke.
>
> 11. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
>
> 12. The early bird may get the worm, but the second
> mouse gets the
> cheese in the trap.
>
> 13. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
>
>
> 14. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some
> people have.
>
> 15. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your
> week.
>
> 16. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad
> memory.
>
> 17. Change is inevitable, except from vending
> machines.
>
> 18. Get a new car for your spouse. It'll be a great
> trade!
>
> 19. Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
>
> 20. Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!
>
> 21. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple
> of payments.
>
> 22. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise
> my hand...
>
> 23. OK, so what's the speed of dark?
>
> 24. How do you tell when you're out of invisible
> ink?
>
> 25. If everything seems to be going well, you have
> obviously overlooked
> something.
>
> 26. When everything is coming your way, you're in
> the wrong lane.
>
> 27. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays
> off now.
>
> 28. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just
> don't have film.
>
> 29. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy
> her friends?
>
> 30. How much deeper would the ocean be without
> sponges?
>
> 31. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked
> into jet engines.
>
> 32. What happens if you get scared half to death
> twice?
>
> 33. I used to have an open mind but my brains kept
> falling out.
>
> 34. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your
> horn louder.
>
> 35. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
>
> 36. Inside every older person is a younger person
> wondering what
> happened.
>
> 37. Just remember - if the world didn't suck, we
> would all fall off.
>
> 38. Light travels faster than sound. That is why
> some people appear
> bright until you hear them speak.