Talking About Stuff, with Mike and Christiana

Well, there was some complicated scheduling involved, and I'll be working a little over the weekend, but I just got back from seeing Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.



Now, I've loved the books ever since I first read them in High School, even rereading them a few times since then. They were somewhat groundbreaking to me then, the first time I realized how well genres can mix, in this case, humor and science fiction.

I've been looking forward to this film for a while, but I've had to frequently take a step back and remember that any adaptation of something that meant so much to me was not likely to be perfect.

But then, I've felt for a long time that it's a mistake to insist that a film adaptation of a book adhere too slavishly to the source material, because there are simply things that books do better than films, and vice versa.

Here's the thing, if you were one of those people who got really upset that Tom Bombadil wasn't in Lord of the Rings, this film might well make you pretty unhappy. There are a lot of things that are different, so if you go in expecting the film to follow the book line by line, word for word, you're going to be pretty disappointed.

Some of the changes seemed unnecessary, some I didn't much care for, some I really liked, but none of them really upset me. The worst thing that can really be said about the film is that, from time to time, it's a little... well, boring sounds harsh, so I'll just say slow.

Reread the books, and you'll find that they really aren't as laugh-a-minute as you might recall. The film has a lot of good, but there are a few points here and there where you're just kind of smiling expectantly, waiting for the jokes to start again.

There are also a few bits where it occurred to me that some types of humor simply work better on the page than they do aloud.

That said, there is a lot that I really enjoyed. I laughed out loud in a number of places and smiled happily through many others. I hesitate to get into specifics because I think to relate anything out of context would only diminish it I think. You're either planning to see the film or you aren't. If you are, then odds are you'll see it no matter what I say. If you're not a fan of the books, then I'm not sure that the movie will convince you that you should be, but you might just enjoy it anyway.

If it sounds like I'm damning the film with faint praise, that's not my intention. There's a lot to like, but it's not perfect. Still, I enjoyed myself a great deal.

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Requested by Mike

It took me a little while to get to this one, but here it is, as requested.

The Beach



I have this on DVD, but I didn't buy it. Interestingly enough, it belonged to a former roommate of mine who owned exactly one DVD, this one, and given that, was surprisingly indifferent towards it. She left it behind when she moved out, and I stuck it in with all my others.

I saw it a while back and remember liking it pretty well, but not thinking about it in too much detail, so revisiting it with the specific intent to review it was an interesting experience.

To begin with, it was directed by Danny Boyle, which I hadn't realized before. He's perhaps better known as the director of Trainspotting, and 28 Days Later. His most recently released film is Millions, which I have not yet seen, but my friend Mike has a good review of it here.

I've always enjoyed his work as a director, though with a few exceptions aside, I think his particular stylistic influences aren't necessarily as obvious in this film as it is in some of his others.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's begin with Leo.

Leonardo DiCaprio is, I think, sometimes underrated as a good actor. To be sure, he's a pretty face, but with the mega-success of Titanic, a lot of people seem to have gotten it into their heads that that's all he is. In this film, he is good as always, but he's got an odd character on his hands.

Leo plays Richard, an American tourist who is tired of the same old thing. He's in Bangkok, looking for adventure, but he soon begins to feel that even there, people have a tendency to bring their homes with them, making even the most exotic location into just another Spring Break beach party.

"We all travel thousands of miles," he says, "just to check in to some place with all the comforts of home, and you gotta ask yourself, what is the point of that?"

And yet, even this early in the film, we get hints that maybe Richard is going to have a hard time being happy anywhere. There's an almost desperate loneliness and insecurity beneath a thick layer of bravado that he smears on like sun-block whenever he's exposed and vulnerable.

Take an early scene where he's strolling through a bazaar, commenting to himself that everything around him seems phony, just rigged up for the tourists who want just a little culture shock, but not a lot. Then one man asks him if he would like to drink some snake blood.

Initially, he's grossed out and declines, but then the man essentially calls him chicken, suggesting that he's just another tourist who wants everything to be safe and familiar.

Challenged, he accepts and soon he's got a shot glass of red liquid, snake blood mixed with (I think) some kind of alcohol. He forces it down, screwing up his face like a little kid being made to eat his broccoli. Then, once it's down, he smiles and looks around as if to say: "There, I did it. Does everybody like me now?"

Then late one night, he crosses paths with Daffy, played by Robert Carlyle, as exactly the type of guy who smart people should avoid crossing paths with. He seems drunk and probably high, and, as Richard observes: "No offense man, but you're f***ed in the head, right?"

But Daffy tells Richard about a beach. A perfect beach, one too good for people, but there are a few people there anyway, living in paradise.

The next morning, Richard finds a map tacked to his door. When he goes to ask Daffy about it, Daffy is very, very dead. His wrists are slit, and there is blood everywhere, on the bed, on the walls... Not the death of a man with a clean conscience.

But now Richard has the map. In the interest of adventure, but tired of traveling alone, he enlists a beautiful French girl and (reluctantly) her French boyfriend, and the three of them decide to find this mysterious beach.

The story that unfolds from there may not be what you expect. In most Hollywood films, the protagonist has "quirks" that make them "interesting" or sometimes even "eccentric", but those quirks will ultimately have no impact on the protagonist becoming the "good guy" and stepping up to do the right thing when things get tough.

In The Beach, Richard doesn't have 'quirks', he has deep-seated psychological issues that make him not particularly well-suited for high-stress situations. He doesn't handle personal relationships very well, and eventually, a series of lies come back to haunt him, and he has to spend an extended period of time alone in the jungle, watching and waiting. During this period, he really begins to lose all touch with reality. In an interesting scene, and one of the few that really exudes Danny Boyle's style, Richard imagines himself in a video game. In many ways, Richard's character reminded me of no one so much as Private Gomer Pyle, the looney-tunes marine recruit, from Full Metal Jacket. In fact, I suspect that this was somewhat intentional, as more than a few scenes feature Leo with his face angled downward, looking up at the camera in a shot that is classic Kubrick.

The overall theme of the movie, as I see it, is similar to Richard's dilemma at the beginning of the film. People bring their problems with them. There may be such a thing as a paradise, but as soon as people go there, it is tainted. Nobody wants to think that they are the one that ruins something, but sometimes trying to pretend otherwise just makes things worse in the long run.

The movie gets a little muddled near the end, and in some ways loses sight of it's own point. The denouement in particular seems like it wants to forget about the severity of what came before, as though the worst thing that happened was a fistfight or two. Ultimately, I think that the movie suffers from a lack of sympathetic characters, (the French boyfriend is actually the only character who always does the right thing,) and of some inconsistency of theme.

Still, there is a lot of good here. To begin with, the cinematography and landscapes surrounding the islands and the beach is really gorgeous. Also, Leo is always good, but he takes a character that most actors would have tried to make into a hero, and really follows through with the mental issues he has.

(Interesting side note: Apparently Danny Boyle wanted Ewan MacGregor for the role, but the studio made him take Leo instead. It would have been interesting to see that, because I love Ewan, but Leo really brought an excellent buried insecurity to the role that really made the character into something interesting and original.)

In the end, I'd say it's not a great film, but it is a good one, yet some of what makes it good is so subtle that I'm not a bit surprised it didn't do very well at the box office, despite Leo's star power. Still, I think that, depending on your own personal taste, you might enjoy this movie. In particular, I think people who really like Fight Club will like this one too, as I felt like there was a lot of stylistic and thematic overlap, despite the vastly different settings.

And remember everyone, feel free to request any review that you'd like me to do. Have a favorite film you'd like my take on? Looking to see something but want to know if it's any good? Just drop me a line and I'll work on a review!


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In many ways, this was the film I was most anticipating. Of the three films I had already seen, this was the one that really drew my interest. I wasn't alone, because even though it was 5:15AM, about a dozen people who hadn't been there for the marathon came in just for this movie.

Transformers: The Movie



I saw this movie in the theater when I was eight years old. I remember being upset when Optimus Prime died. I remember that my imagination was captivated by the thought of a giant planet-sized robot that ate other planets. It's one of the first movies I really remember seeing.

Though I've often thought about it, I had not seen it since then, not once in almost 20 years. I'd seen it in the video store, heard about it here or there, and I'd always kind of wanted to see it again, but I never did, until I saw it at the bottom of the schedule for this movie marathon. I was pretty excited.

Sometimes, when you revisit a treasured memory of your childhood, it's just as powerful as when you first saw it.

Unfortunately, there are other times where you realize that, at eight years old, you had pretty crappy taste.

For me, watching Transformers again was the latter. Now to be fair, I was pretty tired by that point, and I think I even dozed off at one point, though it couldn't have been for more than a minute or so.

Would I have liked it more had I been wide awake? Maybe, but I doubt it. I think that my problem was really that, in my heart, I was kind of expecting it to be a good movie. I certainly remembered it that way. If I had come to the theater that evening expecting something ridiculously cheesy, I might have been more satisfied.

But the movie is a weird mish-mash of childish silliness and some genuinely disturbing stuff. I hadn't realized it before, but a few of those images had found their way into my nightmares over the years. And there is a lot of death in the movie. Not just Optimus Prime, but at least a dozen other characters. Now, I know they're just robots, but they are presented as though they are living things with "souls" so to speak, and they are just gunned down left and right, some of them rather horribly, Starscream, for example, who after being shot in anger by a laser beam, turns gray and crumbles to dust with a terrified expression on his face.

Then, what are we to make of the incredibly cheesy dialogue, some of it serious but nearly incomprehensible: "Ultra Magnus. A cursory evaluation of Decpticon capabilities indicates a distinct tactical deficiency." And other exchanges have characters calling each other names like "Beryllium baloney" and "Cesium Salami".

And don't even get me started on the bizarre soundtrack. Full of 80's pop power-balads that have only a cursory connection to what is happening on screen, if that. And at one point, seriously, "Dare to be Stupid" by Weird Al Yankovic! I'm sure I loved it when I was 8, and I can still appreciate the song, but what the freakin f*** is it doing over an action sequence in a Transformers movie?!?

Now, clearly, there are those who still appreciate it. Surely the die-hard Transformers fans love it. After all, how else can we explain the people who came in at 5AM just to see it? There must be a lot of them too, because there's talk of a big-budget, live-action Transformers movie. It sounds like a terrible idea to me, because as kinda cool as the idea of transforming robots is, I think it would just look silly in live-action.

So, I actually did gain some nostalgic pleasure from the movie, and it does have some pretty impressive images, in particular relating to Unicron, (believe it or not, voiced by ORSON WELLES in his last film appearance!). But the biggest reason that I'm glad I saw it is simply that I've been waiting to see it again for almost twenty years, and now that I have, I can stop thinking about it.

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So what better way to follow up a cult exploitation film than with a cult "blaxploitation" film? Next up: Coffy



I discovered this film while perusing the extra features of the Jackie Brown DVD. They included a number of trailers for the many seventies films that formed much of the inspiration for Jackie Brown, many of them starring Pam Grier herself. Notable amongst these, is Coffy.

Pam Grier plays the title role, a nurse whose eleven-year-old sister got hooked on heroin by a sleazy local pusher. Coffy is pissed! Thus, the rest of the movie, where she goes about getting revenge on everyone involved, moving up the latter from the dealer to the supplier. Then when her friend, a good cop named Carter, gets beat nearly to death for not being crooked, she takes her rampage even farther, to include crooked cops, powerful businessmen and even politicians.

She's tough and resourceful, and pretty bad-ass. When Coffy is pissed, you want to stay out of her way. There are plenty of people in the film who learn that lesson too late.

This is the kind of film where people get their heads blown off by shotguns, and any time where there is a remotely plausible way for a woman's breasts to be exposed, they will be. Consider, for example, when Coffy picks a fight with a number of high-class hookers at a cocktail party. It's the type of fight that Coffy prepares for by strategically placing razor blades in her hair. One by one, each of those fancy cocktail dresses gets "torn" in the fighting.

It's not high art by any stretch of the imagination, but it was never intended to be. For what it is, it's a lot of fun, and when Coffy fires that shotgun for the last time, it's pretty damn satisfying.

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By this point in the evening, it was 2 A.M. and all but the truly committed had left, and so the original sixty-some attendees had dwindled to thirty or so, and we were all pretty loopy, but the constant supplies of caffeine and popcorn from the concession stand, along with any other marathon survival supplies people had brought, we were wired to boot.

In other words, in the perfect mood for the next film: Death Race 2000.



Like with Conan, I hadn't seen this film, but I definitely knew of it as a cult classic. In particular, when Kill Bill was in theaters, people mentioned it alongside Kung Fu as something they knew David Carradine from.

I also knew the premise. Set in the future, a satire on violent sports where drivers compete in a transcontinental road race, scoring points when they run over people.

I got what I expected on that score, but I was pleased to discover that the film is also pretty clever. Like any good seventies exploitation film, it's got plenty of the two B's, blood and breasts, but there are also fun little moments of dark humor, as with the races passionate fans, who treat the whole thing like an elaborate game, trying to see exactly how close they can get to the racers without getting run over. And of course, they usually get just a little bit closer than that.

Also fun are the different drivers, who choose their personas, then dress up their cars and themselves accordingly. "Calamity Jane" wears a cowboy hat and adorns her car with a pair of long, pointy bullhorns. "Matilda the Hun" is a Nazi, who plasters swastikas on her "Buzzbomb", and gleefully shouts "Blitzkrieg!" whenever she mows down a hapless pedestrian. A young Sylvester Stallone plays "Machine Gun Joe", and dresses like a 30s gangster.

To the extent that the film has a hero, it's "Frankenstein", played by David Carradine, a driver who wears a mask and dresses head to toe in skin-tight black leather. Supposedly, he's been in so many crashes that he has "half a face, half a chest, and all the guts in the world!" He's the reigning champion, but he and the other racers have more to contend with this year, as a group of resistance fighters seems determined to stop the race at any cost.

Also fun is the subplot regarding the president of the 'United Provinces of America', an extrapolation of American "imperialism" where the United States rules most of the world, and the fascist "President" rules from a palace in Bejing, entertaining the masses with the race, just like gladiators in ancient Rome. It's important to maintain the propoganda, so when the rebels begin taking out the racers, it is important to put the right spin on it. Therefore the people are told that France is attacking the racers, determined to destroy the race, "just like they destroyed our once proud economy."

The movie, as I mentioned, is cleverer than you might expect from a movie so deliberately constructed to offend people. But walk in with an enjoyment of exploitation films and an appreciation for dark humor, and you'll love it.

UPDATE!!
Oh, man, how could I forget? Just for extra fun, the print we watched had Swedish subtitles. Is that cool or what?

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So after the cheesy musical surrealism of Xanadu, it was time to move to something that, while still fun, was a little weightier and more serious.

Conan the Barbarian: Thief, Warrior, Gladiator, King... Arnold



I'd never seen this before, though I'd long considered it a significant gap in my film education. The truth is, I didn't even really know that much about it, other than that Arnold Schwarzenegger played Conan, and that it was about a famous barbarian, featuring sword fighting and the like.

I'd had the impression of the film as being more historical and less fantasy, and I definitely hadn't forseen the abundance of exposed breasts, but while it was somewhat different than I had expected, it was no less entertaining.

It's definitely not as technically slick as a lot of the more contemporary adventure epics, but that's to be expected given when it was made. Instead of technological proficiency, (though I imagine many of the effects were pretty spiffy at the time,) the film has heart. There is none of the cynical wink-at-the-camera type self-awareness that we'd likely see if this movie were made today.

Conan is not a cultured man-about-town that just happens to be good with a sword. Early in the movie, as he is discovering his own skills as a gladiator, a naked woman is brought to his private cell for him to have his way with. He approaches her gently, reassuringly, and offers her a fur to cover herself with. "Ah," we think, "he's a gentleman." But no. He leads her over to the bed and proceeds to have his way with her. He didn't want to hurt her, but he still intends to satisfy himself, by Crom.

James Earl Jones plays Thusla Doom, a sort of philosopher-warrior who was amongst those who invaded Conan's village when he was a child. It was Thusla Doom that appraised young Conan's mother with sad eyes, as she bravely tried to shield her son from harm. Then he calmly decapitated her right in front of Conan.

For a long time, Conan had no way of doing anything about it. He spent years enslaved at hard labor, then more as a gladiator, building his strength and learning to fight. It's many years later and he's an adult by the time he picks up on Thusla Doom's trail again, but Conan is the type to hold a grudge.

Along the way, he picks up some companions, notably Valeria, a tall, blonde warrior-woman who is practically custom-tailored as a match for Conan. Smart, funny, tough. She's pretty awesome actually. Considering that I hadn't even known there was such a character in the movie, she was a pleasant surprise. One that I'll have to keep in mind for the edits on my own barbarian warrior-woman story.

Anyway, if you've seen it, you know the rest of the plot. If you haven't, you don't need to know any more. I think it's a great adventure film that delivers the goods, even without the benefit of sophisticated CGI special effects. That said, given Arnold's accent and all the odd words contained in the dialogue, there are times where I wouldn't have minded having some subtitles.

So after the wonderful opening note, the marathon moved on to the next film: Xanadu.



This movie was released in 1980, that awkward adolescence between the brave-new-world cheesiness of the seventies and the horrid pink-shirt machismo of the eighties, and boy does it ever show.

Consider, for example, one sequence in this film where the protagonist is wearing the following:

- Feathered, shoulder-length, seventies hair
- A pink hawaiian shirt with cartoon fish on it, opened halfway down his chest
- Red short-shorts with white trim
- Knee-high athletic socks
- White roller skates with red wheels

And this is presented with an earnest confidence and a total absence of irony or self-consciousness. You'd think that would be the perfect example of the worst fashion the early 80's had to offer, but you'd be wrong. The surrealistic delight of watching this movie is being near-blinded by the supreme ridiculousness of one scene only to have the next one top it. Again and again and again.

The plot is just as weird. Apparently Zeus, for some reason, becomes concerned with a tortured young artist. We know he is tortured because his workspace is messy and he tears up one of his paintings, conveniently done on paper instead of canvas.

So a muse, played by Olivia Newton John, who spends approximately two thirds of the movie on roller skates, is sent to inspire him to create a roller-disco with an aging multi-millionaire, played by Gene Kelly, who used to be a clarinet player. She was only supposed to inspire him, she never knew she would ... fall in love.

This is the kind of movie where... strange things happen. Sometimes, they are simply bad writing. For example, at the beach, when he needs to chase after this beautiful "mystery girl", the main character runs up to a girl, grabs her moped away from her and says "I need to borrow this." Apparently, he really needs that moped, and it would be a downer if the girl got mad, so she smiles and says "Sure!"

Translation: "Yes, I will loan my moped to you, a total stranger, for an undisclosed period of time so that you can chase after another total stranger, that you don't even know, and who is running away from you."

Sometimes, the characters go to a set that has no conceivable plausible reason to exist, for example, a large studio set owned by a record label, that produces holographic representations of a variety of romantic landscapes for the characters to roller skate through in a romantic fashion. The excuse given for the existence of such an absurd and unbelievably expensive thing? Apparently, to "inspire the musicians." The unsubtle symbolism of the slowly erecting palm trees on the beach landscape is just a bonus.

At another point... No, I can't ruin it for you. It happens during a romantic musical number, when they suddenly... look a little different.

The acting is also bizarre. Gene Kelly is a good actor, but this role is a very good example of changing times. While it surely was intended to be completely innocent, it comes off today as almost creepy and very very gay. The main character provides the sort of stiff, awkward acting we usually get when singers or dancers are given the lead in a bad movie. The odd thing is that he isn't a particularly good singer or dancer either. He's moderately good looking except for the clothes and the hair, but I can't help thinking that, if you don't need someone who can act, sing, or dance, then there are probably better looking guys to be had.

This is not a movie to watch alone, lest your head explode. However, if you ever want to have an eighties theme party, where you have a bunch of drunk people who grew up in the eighties, then a viewing of Xanadu could be a lot of fun.

Did I mention it's a musical?

P.S. Apparently we were priveledged to see a special "International version" of the ending, awkwardly cut into the regular American ending. I'm about to completely spoil both endings for you, but if you are watching a film like this for the endings, then you deserve to have them spoiled, just to teach you a lesson.

The American ending features Kira, the muse who had been forced to leave earth forever, returning anyway for the climactic musical number and to be reunited with her boyfriend. Our version had her come back just for the musical number, then disappearing, leaving the poor guy all alone, for about four seconds, at which point the movie suddenly flipped awkwardly back to the original ending where they are together. It was pretty much the perfect finish.

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As it happens, it's not terribly difficult to stay up all night for a movie marathon. Recovering is trickier. While technically I have since slept enough to make up the distance, I've been feeling groggy and disoriented almost all weekend.

Still, would I do it again? Um, give me a couple days, but yes! It was a blast.

First up, we had a true classic: Big Trouble in Little China


If you haven't seen it, I hardly even know where to start. Directed by John Carpenter of The Thing and Halloween fame, it departs from the cold and sticky horror of those films, and instead becomes a deliriously goofy and sly bastard child of the supernatural action genre and the kung-fu, chop-socky flick...

It's a little hard to describe.

It was a little hard for the studio too. Not to mention film-goers. At the time of its release, people didn't know what to make of it and it was the biggest flop of John Carpenter's career.

Maybe I should start at the beginning. The movie opens with a scene that was never in the script and was added at the request of the film's producers. A government official is questioning an old asian man about his "version of what happened."

"You mean the truth," says the man.

The conversation turns to the whereabouts of one Jack Burton. "You leave Jack Burton alone," says the man. "We are in his debt. He showed great courage."

Now why was this scene added? Well, the producers apparently felt that truck-driver Jack Burton (Kurt Russell) wasn't coming across as heroic enough, and so this scene was intended to build him up a little before he officially appears. John Carpenter and Kurt Russell didn't object, because frankly, the very idea of the scene makes the whole reality even funnier.

You see, Jack Burton is not heroic! Or at least, he's not a hero. He's the sidekick! He's the comic relief. The one who makes one-liners while the hero is kicking ass. He just thinks he's the hero, and that the real hero is his sidekick. And the movie treats him that way, as the main character and the hero.

That was the central idea of the movie. What about an adventure where the sidekick thinks he's the hero? So the very idea that the producers would insist on adding a scene at the beginning to make this guy look more "heroic" just adds to the joke.

The movie moves forward following the tried-and-true formula of any action-adventure, where things start small, but then the "evil plot" gets progressively bigger and more complicated, moving from one action set-piece to another until we reach the big climax. Unfortunately for Jack Burton, he knows less about what's going on than anybody else in the movie. He spends the entire film at least two steps behind everybody else, yet he continues swaggering forward like he's got everything under control.

There are multiple scenes where the other characters have the sort of "solving the mystery" puzzle-pieces coming together conversations, and he looks back and forth between them like he's watching a ping-pong game, occasionally contributing a "Huh?" "What?" or even "What does that mean? Huh? China is here? I don't even know what the hell that means."

But he is undaunted. As an asian gangwar goes on in the alley outside his truck, he helpfully draws a knife from his boot and sits there in the truck, knife at ready, just in case the situation becomes clear enough for him to figure out who he is supposed to be fighting. Later, as they are sneaking into the palace of Lo-Pan, a 1000-year-old Chinese sorcerer, and are confronted by a soccer-ball-size floating monster with dozens of eyes that apparently acts as a magical security device for Lo-Pan. The other characters are verbally sparring with Lo-Pan through this creature, but it's not going well, so Jack helpfully shoots at it. "You never know 'til you try!" he explains.

I could go on and on, but I won't. Suffice it to say that I've loved this movie since I was a little kid, but I tell you, the best way to watch it is on the big screen with a theater full of fellow fans who know what makes it great.

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Speaking of Feel-Good Sports Movies, I happened to catch this one last night.



Shaolin Soccer is a Chinese film made by Stephen Chow, and it's weird, but extremely fun.

Basically it takes the standard formula for Hollywood sports movies and follows it in a very disciplined way.

"Ex-player with problem is now coach with unfinished business, needs to put together a team. Assembles a team composed of an earnest leader with something to prove, and a number of people who have potential, but need to be reminded of their own confidence. They suck at first, but they train hard, and they improve. They get pretty good, and they're winning, but then they reach the finals and they must defeat the reigning champions, a despicable team that will be mean and cheat at every opportunity, and is of course managed by the coach's old rival." Oh, and how could I forget "the player who refuses to play until they show up just in the nick of time for the final game."

To demonstrate how strictly Shaolin Soccer follows that formula, the reigning champions are actually named "Team Evil."

Okay, so it's a sports movie. So what?

Well, here comes the twist. The earnest team leader is a Kung Fu master who is convinced that Kung Fu can make anybody's life better, but nobody will listen to him. So he decides that to win the soccer championship using his Kung Fu skills will show everybody how useful they can be. The rest of the team are all of his former Kung Fu classmates, all of whom have given up their skills and taken day jobs. He must inspire them to take up their powers again and together, they must learn to be a great soccer team.

If I haven't already sold you, then let me say this:

This is not "real" Kung Fu. This is cartoon Kung Fu. Dragonball Z mixed with Pai Mei mixed with the Matrix. When kicked, the ball becomes a flaming fireball that knocks the opposing players out of the way like bowling pins hit by a cannonball, literally sending them flying into the air. A player known as "lightweight" actually seems to fly through the air, a la "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon". When the goalie spins the ball on one finger, it creates a vortex of air and grass clippings that trails behind the ball like a vapor trail.

It's incredibly goofy and fun and a hell of an entertaining time. And if all that weren't enough, there is plenty of physical comedy and one-liners to be found as well.

The movie is available on DVD, but I caught it on TV, probably because they are promoting Stephen Chow's new film, Kung Fu Hustle, which opens in limited release on Friday. You can see the trailer right here. It looks like lots of fun as well, so if starts playing anywhere near you, you should definitely make a point to see it, not merely because you'll enjoy it, but also to show theaters and distributors that there is a market for these films!

Also, check out this interview with Stephen Chow.

Requested by Kevin

Wow, rather quicker than I expected, I have my very first requested review up. Normally they won't be up this fast, but it just so happens that I re-watched this movie less than a week ago with a friend who had never seen it before. As such, I feel qualified to review it right away without re-watching it.



You know, considering that UHF isn't actually a very good movie, I sure do love it to hell and back anyway.

I was 11 when it premiered in 1989, and already a big fan of Weird Al Yankovic, though frankly, at that age I had not actually heard most of the original songs that he parodied. I tell you, it's a surreal experience to finally hear the serious original song that you've known for years as only a parody.

Anyway, I knew I wanted to see the movie as soon as I had first heard about it. On opening day, I had plans to see the first show with a friend of mine. But she wavered at the last minute and I was forced to leave her behind, thus making this the very first movie that I saw in the theater all by myself.

Sitting there in the theater, alone in the dark with Mr. Yankovic... *ahem* With his film I mean, was a profound experience for me. In fact, I think that I could trace much of my contemporary eccentricities back to that very day. Hmm, maybe I should sue...

Anyway, I loved it. When it eventually came onto TV I taped it, and it actually became a family favorite, with several lines turning into running gags that are still in use today.

So why do I say it isn't really a very good movie? Well, I suspect that, were I to watch it for the very first time today, coming in clean with no nostalgia or emotional baggage, I might laugh a little, smile more, then move on and then mostly forget about it. The plot is a little thin, and it's really just an excuse to string all the mini-parodies together, some of which are pretty funny and some of which are... eh...

That said, I am not seeing it for the first time. I've got lots of nostalgia and emotional baggage, and given all that, I love this movie to pieces.

Even if I had not just rewatched it recently, I would have been able to quote entire scenes from memory. ("Today, we're teaching poodles how to fly." / "Look Bob, a twinkie-weiner sandwich!" / "SUPPLIES!" / "Do I still get to be the janitor?") In particular, the Raul's Wild Kingdom bits are especially good. (Tragically, Trinidad Silva Jr., who played Raul, died in a car accident before he had even finished filming all of his originally planned scenes.) But also lots of fun are Gedde Watanabe, and early appearances from Michael Richards, Victoria Jackson and Fran Drescher. Not to mention Kevin "Festering Bowl of Dog Snot" McCarthy.

My friend Lee, who saw it for the first time this weekend seemed to enjoy it, but with mostly the reaction that I described above. Laughed some, smiled more, and now she's satisfied her lifetime need for this movie. (If I'm wrong, please speak up, Lee!)

I should point out also here that Roger Ebert HATED this movie. Check out his ONE-STAR review! However, in that review, he says the following:

"Those who laugh at "UHF" should inspire our admiration; in these dreary times we must treasure the easily amused."

I guess that makes me easily amused, because whether it earns your admiration or not, I laughed like hell.

As I've been adding movie reviews to my site, I'm occasionally reminded just how many movies I have seen but not reviewed, and it occurred to me to wonder if there are any movies that people would like me to review that I haven't.

As such, I'm putting it out there. Any movies that you want me to review? Just let me know. They can be current releases or old classics or anywhere in between. If you ask, I'll make an effort to see the film, (or see it again if it's been a while,) and put up a review.

I'm adding a new link beneath my Movie Reviews Permalink on the right-hand sidebar. It isn't anything fancy, just a little contact form that will send me an email with the request.

So, let me have it! What movies would you like to see reviews for? You can use the reviews as guidance for your own film watching, to satisfy your personal curiosity, or even to mock mercilessly at my lack of taste. And consider this an ongoing offer.

On a related note, I've also put up a spreadsheet listing my entire current DVD collection. Feel free to scan it for ideas or just to continue mocking, this time at my lack of a life.

Another review in my series of watching anime "classics", this time, Hotaru no haka, or "Grave of the Fireflies."



This film is brutal.

This film is fragile.

This film is beautiful.

This film is horrible.

This film made me cry harder than any other movie ever has.

This film is the story of Seita, a young teenager, and his little sister Setsuko. They had the severe misfortune to be children living in Japan near the end of World War II.

War is really really awful, even when it's necessary. I'm not going to get into the politics or the tactics of World War II, because this movie isn't about World War II. It's about two children whose mother is killed and their home burned by firebombs dropped from enemy planes. Whether or not a war is "necessary" or "just" doesn't change the terrible fact that innocents will always die as a result.

Always.

This is the story of two of them.

In researching the film a little bit, and given the current diplomatic conflict between Japan and China, there is a lot of discussion going on regarding whether or not, with this film, Japan is attempting to cast themselves as the "victims" of World War II.

Someone inclined to feel that way from the beginning may remain unmoved.

That said, I think that those people will be missing the point of the film. Americans are not seen nor mentioned except behind the mask of ominously impersonal bombers and fighter planes. The one time "Long Live the Emperor" is shouted, it is by a delusional government official, waving a flag and waging a losing battle to raise morale as people's homes are burning to the ground. The movie is in fact most critical of those whose pride allows them to continue pursuing a hopeless cause in the face of horrific suffering.

But this movie is about Seita and Setsuko as they struggle to survive through ever-increasing hardships. When their mother is killed, they go to live with their aunt, who clearly cares more about the extra ration of rice they represent than about the children themselves. Eventually, they leave her and take up residence in an old bomb shelter. Their father is a naval officer, and they cling to the hope that one day, he'll come home and save them.

But he doesn't.

I'm not spoiling anything, because the movie opens with Seita, alone and dying of starvation in a train station. We are guided through a flashback by his spirit, and the story that leads us back to that train station, and to the casual tossing of a candy tin is one of the most emotionally shattering films I have ever seen.

I'm tearing up again even as I type this.

As much as I don't want this review to be about current events, under the impact of this film, I couldn't help but mourn for the innocents who are lost forever to the world in any violent conflict.

It is the fundamental tragedy of mankind that wars are sometimes necessary. The key, I think, is not to insist that wars never take place. That is irrational idealism, and impossible in this fallen world. Instead, the task that falls to us is to never reach the point where we no longer realize that it is tragedy.

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Continuing in my effort to catch up on some of the classics of anime, my next review is for Ghost In the Shell.


I'd actually seen this one years ago, my first exposure to anime beyond a few of the cartoons on Nickelodeon, but at the time, I don't think I was quite ready for it. I found it interesting even then, but it was a little bit overwhelming.

See, it's good anime, and good science-fiction, and good action, but it's not, (and isn't intended to be,) Anime 101.

Seeing it again, especially after coming to love the spin-off TV series, Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex, was even better than I'd expected.

For one, I'm caught up now on some of the science-fictiony content, (cyber-brains, extensive integration with computers, etc) that I was only just being exposed to for the first time when I originally saw it. This is some heady stuff and is not really entry-level. It IS coherent, just complex, and even those who consider themselves well-versed in computers and their place in science fiction will find that they need to pay close attention to the dialogue lest they risk losing all track of what's happening.

Second, I'm a little more sophisticated now, and animation with bloody gunfights, cerebral science fiction and naked breasts doesn't blow my mind the way it did when I was sixteen.

It's not the most emotionally affecting film in the world, being concerned more with ideas and action than character and depth of feeling, but where it really shines is the feeling of authenticity and realism in the application of the science fiction concepts.

That's not to say that the characters are boring, (they aren't,) only that characterization isn't given as much screen time as the action sequences and discussions of technology and conspiracy.

Ghost in the Shell follows an investigation conducted by Security Section 9, a kind of elite ultra high-tech military/police force, which does the sort of jobs that just couldn't get done through normal channels. For example, when a traitor to the country is discovered, it's section 9 that gets called in to take him out before he can irretrievably flee the country with top-secret intelligence under the cloak of diplomatic immunity.

Central to the story is Major Motoko Kusanagi, usually referred to just as "The Major". Many of this future-Japan's citizens have cybernetic prostheses or implants or enhancements, but she has had her entire body replaced by an artificial humanoid body shaped like a beautiful woman, but capable of all sorts of neat tricks like super-strength and invisibility ("Thermoptics"). All these things make her very good at her job, but sometimes, in the quiet moments, she wonders if she really is who she thinks she is. She believes that she is Major Kusanagi, implanted into an artificial body, but how can she know for sure? How can she know that her memories are not simply programming? What if she's really just an artificial intelligence who has been programmed to think she was once human?

So when an investigation into industrial espionage and foreign hackers uncovers a sophisticated artificial intelligence that has apparently become self-aware, The Major is intrigued. She has to know if it is really aware. Is it possible that an entirely artificial being could have a soul? Is there a "Ghost" in the "Shell"?

All of this sets up some sophisticated (and complicated) science fiction that includes conspiracies, black ops, giant robot tanks, half-disassembled cyborgs and a whole lot of gunfire.

The movie is a little short. It only really has two acts, and in some ways, you feel like it ends just as it was really getting started. That's a relatively minor complaint however, and I would recommend this one to anyone who has an interest in science fiction. Have I said it was complex? Here's just a sample of the dialogue:
"It can also be argued that DNA is nothing more than a program designed to preserve itself. Life has become more complex in the overwhelming sea of information. And life, when organized into species, relies upon genes to be its memory system. So, man is an individual only because of his intangible memory... and memory cannot be defined, but it defines mankind."

Imagine 70+ minutes of that kind of dialogue, interrupted rather frequently by gunfights. I like it a lot, but if you don't have much patience for that sort of thing, you'd best look elsewhere.

I should point out here that up until now, I have only seen this film with the English dub. I know a friend who has it on DVD however, so I think I'll plan to borrow it and watch it in the original Japanese, to see if the different translations make any difference.

Typically, when watching a foreign film, I try to watch it in the original language whenever possible. I think that doing so can help to maintain the purity of the original artistic vision to the greatest extent possible. It's surprising sometimes, to watch a movie with the subtitles, and then to watch a dub. Differences in the translation, differences in the voices, differences in emphasis. It can be rather striking.

That said, I often find that, with films I particularly love, (Spirited Away, for example,) I prefer whichever version I see first. Since I saw that film as an English dub before I saw the original Japanese version, I usually watch it that way, since that's how it first captured my heart. Nevertheless, I would urge any of you who are going to watch these films for the first time to give the original language track a try, rather than defaulting to the English dub. For me, it can really add a new subtle layer to the experience.

Note: There is a sequel to this film, Ghost in the Shell 2: Innocence, and a spin-off television series, Ghost in the Shell: Stand-Alone Complex, that is currently showing on Cartoon Network's Adult Swim Saturday lineup, with repeats on the following Thursday. I haven't seen the sequel film yet, though I plan to soon, but the series is also excellent in much the same way that the film is, though with the blood and nudity toned down just a bit. Still, it's probably the most intelligent science-fiction show I can think of on the air right now. The new Battlestar Galactica maybe being a close second.

I've found my appreciation for anime growing lately. I'm already a fan of Hayao Miyazaki, (see my reviews of Castle of Cagliostro, Porco Rosso, Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind, and Spirited Away), but I've also been genuinely enjoying some of the TV series that they've been showing on Cartoon Network. InuYasha, Full Metal Alchemist, and Ghost in the Shell: Stand-Alone Complex in particular.

As a result, I decided to start checking out some of the "classics" when it comes to Anime.

First up is Akira



Directed by Katsuhiro Otomo, Akira was one of the first anime feature films to be given any kind of significant release in the united states, and in many ways, it forged the path for other anime films to follow in breaking through to the American market.

It demonstrated in a very effective way that animation is not, and shouldn't be, limited to children's entertainment. It tells a mature, sophisticated science-fantasy story with some very intense action and some really powerful images.

That said, most people here still haven't seen it. Until recently, I hadn't either. Now that I have, I'm really glad that I did, but more as a sense of cultural literacy than a specific love of the film itself.

Now don't get me wrong, it's very good, and I'd suggest that most of my hesitation is actually from lingering stereotypes in my head about what animation is "supposed to be" rather than flaws in the film itself.

Preposterous and unrealistic? Yes. Funny and entertaining anyway? Yes.

I've said before, as recently as my interview meme post, that I'm not a big fan of Clive Cussler. Now in the interests of full disclosure, I've only ever read about the first third of one book, "Valhalla Rising," one of the later books in the series. My quarrel with the book was that the protagonist, one "Dirk Pitt" (I still can't get over that ridiculous name!), is so omnicapable at everything he tries that I felt no dramatic tension whatsoever. It seemed that there was no doubt in his mind that he would succeed at any and everything he attempted, and so I was bored by the whole thing pretty quickly.

Perhaps that's unfair, since I started at one of the later books, so it had already been well-established for regular readers that he was more than up to the task of dragging people to safety from stormy seas and beating the crap out of armed assassins with his bare hands. If I had started with the first book, maybe it would have developed his apparent omnipotence gradually, at a speed that worked for me. Perhaps if I had read farther into the one that I had, it would have eventually presented Mr. Pitt with some more formidable challenges. Hard to say, but what I've read so far doesn't frankly inspire more attention. Just not my personal taste.

So in heading to the theater on Friday to see Sahara, a big-budget adaptation of one of Clive Cussler's Dirk Pitt novels, I was wondering if I would react the same way.

The answer is yes and no. Yes, in that the Dirk Pitt character is still ridiculously capable at everything he tries and has the same narcissistic confidence that he did in the books. No, in that it didn't bother me nearly as much as it did in the book. It's kind of weird actually. I wonder if Mr. Pitt isn't actually a bit of a sociopath, who fortunately for the world has decided that he's a good guy. He seems to have almost no worry or emotion for anybody except in a very abstract "I'm a good guy, so I've got to fight the bad guys" sense. He knows when he's enjoying himself, but that seems to be pretty much all the time, even when the people around him are in ludicrous amounts of danger. He doesn’t seem to help out of genuine concern for their well-being as much as because it's just what he needs to do in order to fulfill his own inflated self-image. At one point, he basically propositions the girl in a way that is probably supposed to seem quirky and charming, but struck me as a little creepy and depersonalizing. He's the sort of guy that, if you knew him in real life, you would find him endlessly fascinating at first, for all the things that he's done and the experiences he's had. Then, as you continue talking to him, it seems like that's really all there is in there. The things that he's done. At least, that was my take.

That said, the movie is a lot of fun. Nearly everything that happens in this movie is pretty silly, if you take the time to think about it in any detail, but that is where the movie's real strength comes in. It moves from one scene to another, to another, changing the scenery and stunts so quickly that you don't really have a lot of time to spend thinking about things in detail. Psychiatric questions aside, Dirk does actually do the right thing most of the time and, played by Matthew McConaughey, he does it with a low-key good-natured humor, producing some great, and often very funny, chemistry with the other characters, including Penelope Cruz, Rainn Wilson, and a hilarious Steve Zahn, who, by the way, improves every movie he's in.. The action sequences, though silly, are easy to follow and exciting, and when paired with the near-constant one-liners going back and forth between McConaughey and Zahn, makes for a pretty darn entertaining popcorn flick.

It's no Indiana Jones, and it really doesn't stand up to close scrutiny in any respect, but as a good way to spend a Friday night, it delivers.

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I'll update this later with a more detailed review, but I don't have the energy just now, so here's the skinny.

In a word... Awsome.

In slightly more words... Surpassed my already high expectations.

The rest of the words will have to wait until tomorrow.

UPDATE!!!

For whatever reason, I've been having a hard time trying to write about this film more than the few words I've already said. There's so much that I loved about the movie, but every time I begin to discuss it, I feel like I'll be somehow ruining the surprise.

As such, I'm going to write two reviews. A quick spoiler-free review for those of you who haven't seen it yet, and a more detailed review for those who have, (and I suppose, those gluttons for punishment who are so eager to see the film – despite it having already opened – that they will read spoilers instead of just going to the movie.)

Review A: For those who haven't yet seen the film.




Review B: For those who have seen the film, (and the aforementioned gluttons for punishment.)